(For past Ms. Monkey's Advice & Wisdon see the Archive)

Dear Ms. Monkey: Hanging out with the Roadhouse Monkeys has caused me to "fry" a few more brain cells than I can spare. I have noticed a significant decrease in brain activity and lately I seem to stutter and drool quite a bit. I am wondering if there is any way to grow back those brain cells that were destroyed at such a tender young age or should I just have another shot of booze and forget about it? -Signed, Peter     Dear Peter (Dick):     Your letter makes it clear that you never had any brain cells to loose by frying or otherwise, therefore it is impossible to sympathize with your present complaint of "a significant decrease in brain activity" when there has obviously been no such prior activity.     You did not loose anything from hanging out with the Roadhouse Monkeys any more than you can acquire a brain by hanging out with intelligent people.  I world suggest that you check with Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz in this regard.    As to your stuttering and drooling shut up and get a fucking bib.  God and the Roadhouse Monkeys hate a sniveler.     On initial reading of your letter I was tempted to advise you to eat shit and die but my caring humanitarianism prevailed. I hope I have been of help.  -Ms. Monkey

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Help!	Dear Ms. Monkey;